
Us Hostiles are a varied bunch….some Brits, some Americans, an Austerrrralian, some Romanians and the odd Gypsy. But no matter where we are from you can guarantee that we are highly trained. From our military members, our street fighters, ruffians, vagabonds and cut throats we have developed some highly innovative tactics.
When Spetnaz got wind of our hybrid techniques they were naturally curious, but we didn’t quite trust them. So now their all dead.
The same goes for the Welsh spec op’s unit that tried to infiltrate one of our meetings. Officially known as the Welsh Attack and Nuclear Kill squad or W.A.N.K.
As part of our defenses we have specially designed robot sheep that keep watch on the perimeter where ever we are. We heard a Baaa and BOOM! Next thing you know bits of wank all over the place. Not our fault. The sheep are only designed to explode when they feel under threat.
So the moral is, don’t try and steel our tactics. But we are a charitable bunch, so we’ll give you a few free pointers.
A very good way to beat another team is to assassinate them before they’ve arrived at the game. In paintball this is considered ‘unconventional’ or ‘murder’ but we don’t care for silly old traditions.
The best way to do this is by replacing their markers at a previous game with highly poisonous snakes. As soon as they go to test their gear the night before, load a python with 200 paintballs and attach an air tank to it’s ass, their brown bread. Hoo Rah.
Another tactic is to leave your paintball markers at home and bring actual guns. It’s a short day but a guaranteed win.
More of these tactics can be found in the ‘big book of bad ass tactics and naughty behavior’ only available when you join the Hostiles.
So what are you waiting for?
(girly men need not apply……unless your really girly, we’ve had a few beers and you do what your told).
Executive Junior Chief Co-Strategy Manager, Hostile Intentions